he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
