so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
