I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
