'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
