I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
