Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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