my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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