The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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