I will die if light touches me.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
