I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
