Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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