I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
