I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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