Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
