my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
