The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
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