ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
