is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
