If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
one two three fourrrrnication!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
