Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
