Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
