he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
