he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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