He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
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Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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