Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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