I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
