they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
