you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
