Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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