Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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