btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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