was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
