Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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