alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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