I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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