Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
zippers are such a cool invention
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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