I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
