i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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