You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
