I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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