I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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