She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
