In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dear god my vagina.
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