dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
