you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
