we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
