it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize