You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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