sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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