I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
