I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I enjoy the company of your penis
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
