I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
