I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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