Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
