living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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