I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
