but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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