so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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