i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
