When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
