I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
