so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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