O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
