So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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