Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
