I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
