i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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