You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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