Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
two words...techno handjob
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
