Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
