I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
