My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
