I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
